Monday, August 3, 2009

"Black" and school shopping...

I've just now finished reading "Black," by Ted Dekker, and I'm trying to decide how I feel about it. It was lent to me by my Sunday school teacher, who is a huge Dekker fan. I've read two (well, one of his and one he co-wrote) of his books, and while they're not exactly my style, they're good. Now this one was so bizarre and weird, but I liked how parts of it made sense and fell into place. I like it when things fall into place and can't stand when there are loose ends left, which is sort of how the book ended. In a way. Of course, there are two other books in the series, and one soon to be released that is the beginning and the end of the other stories, thus making it the "Circle Trilogy." Pretty clever, I have to admit, but I can't read this kind of book too often. It starts to mess with your head and it's a little too deep for me. I guess I'm shallow, LOL. Anyway, now that I've read it, I'm glad that I'm free to start one of my other summer reading books...maybe "Jane Eyre"? I've been wanting to read that one for quite a while.

Me and Mom have to go shopping for school clothes sometime pretty soon. It's been four years since I've been in public school, and I haven't had to have many clothes since then. That should give you an idea of what my closet looks like...quite a few things that I haven't worn in 4 years and that don't fit me anymore, and then a very few outfits that I love and wear all the time. I wish I had a quirky sense of style, sort of a mix of Luna Lovegood and Penelope. I see cute, unique clothes, but I'm not brave enough to wear them. Part of me keeps thinking, here's a new start. The majority of people at community college have never seen or met me before. I can choose what to wear and how to act to make people perceive me a certain way. But then I think of how fake that would be, and how exhausting it would be to keep up that act. Maybe I'm already putting on an act, in a small way. It would be so freeing to just be myself, be the genuine person God created me to be. And to tell the truth, I'm already quirky enough without acting or dressing like Luna. At least she isn't obsessed with what others think...she's not afraid to be herself. So while we're out shopping (probably unsuccessfully. Either I'm picky or there's some clothing company conspiracy to refuse to make clothes that fit me.) for jeans and shoes, I'll try to fight the temptation to worry what the world thinks of me and to fit their paperdoll (as Natalie would say) mold.

Until next time,
Kristin (missvintagegirl)


  1. The people who you will actually want as friends, who will truly care about you, won't be looking at what the world looks at (clothes, accesories, the car you drive, etc). If you lose or change those things they like you for, you will lose those fake friends. You are right in resisting the desire to "fit in." I'm sure you will make plenty of REAL friends by just being yourself :)

  2. your old posts are so good! I know how you feel about college. Everyone moving so effortlessly it seems while I was so awkward. I was also scared about starting!


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